Tweens and Anxiety

All children experience anxiety and it comes in many forms. Young children may experience separation anxiety when their mom or dad leave them with someone else for the first time. They may become scared at night and may want a nightlight - another form of anxiety begins. As children grow, it’s a parent’s job to calm the jitters and make them less anxious about the big world around them. But, for some tweens, being anxious can take on a whole new meaning. It can be the difference from having a productive and happy day or being completely unable to function, withdrawn, sad and depressed.

As a mom of three children, our family has experienced anxiety in childhood firsthand. My daughter has been anxious about trying new foods for as long as we can remember, to the point that she used to cry and shut down if there was a new food placed in front of her. We have tried counseling, we have tried demanding that she eat, we have tried pleading. Something - we don’t know what it was - triggered this fear in her when she was young, and foods cause great anxiety for her.

My son, Luke, who is 12, is suffering through some very severe anxiety currently. Diagnosed with epilepsy almost two years ago, we feel that his seizures triggered anxiety and, while now seizure-free, he suffers from panic attacks, claustrophobia and has experienced mood disorder. He also becomes very anxious in crowds.

The more I am learning about anxiety, the more I’m discovering that my children are not alone. There is normal anxiety, like being worried about taking a test or being nervous around a cute boy, but then there is heightened anxiety, that can leave your child incapacitated. Do you have a child who is suffering from anxiety? Maybe she is scared to try new foods, or perhaps she’s anxious about sleepovers or birthday parties, and is not socially adaptable. Does she stress about school work to the point where nothing less than an A will do? Does she express concern over loved ones dying? Is she scared to leave the house? Is she unable to get out of bed or function normally on a day-to-day basis?

Just like any health problem, anxiety needs to be treated as such. Anxiety does not just go away. It’s not like a common cold. It is not only mental, but it is also physical. When a child feels anxious, her body may react in a variety of ways. When Luke feels anxious, he sometimes sweats, his heart will race, he will feel dizzy, and he may vomit. When he has a panic attack, he will go to the floor and ‘pass out’ and fall asleep. His body will literally shut down until the feelings go away.

Sometimes, when the anxiety gets too much for children, they may express their desire to punch something, or feel as if they want to scream. Some children bang their heads, pull their hair or react in another drastic way, but these are mostly younger children who cannot verbalize what they are feeling. Anxiety is energy inside the body that must be expended.

There are ways to release the anxiety and ways you can help your child if she’s feeling anxious. For our family, these things are working:

• Exercise: Luke feels so much better when he gets outside and does something to release the energy that’s trapped inside. Whether he jumps rope, rides his skateboard, shoots some baskets or takes a walk, he is outside and doing something for himself, taking control over his own body. His body is NOT controlling him. Usually, he will exercise for 20 minutes and come back and express to me how much better he feels. And of course, I feel better when he feels better!
•  Cleaning: The other day, Luke and I cleaned out the garage. We spent three hours going through old bins and tossing stuffed animals, getting rid of worn-out shoes, and throwing out basketballs that had popped. The garage looked amazing and we could see the results. Today he mentioned to me that he thinks cleaning is a coping skill. He is learning a bunch of ways to cope with his anxiety.
• Breathing: Anxiety makes a person’s heart beat faster and adrenaline rise. When anxiety hits, teach your child to take a few minutes to slow the breathing down and remind her that there is nothing to be scared about. Slow breathing in and out and mindful thinking can stop a panic attack in its tracks.
• Yoga: Stretching and yoga is another way to teach the body to be in the moment and to eliminate anxiety. When Luke is feeling a bit anxious, we will do some downward dogs and some stretches and it will instantly bring on a calmer environment.
• Therapy: Talking really helps. Your tween may or may not find it easy to talk to you, but it’s also important to talk to a psychologist if she’s suffering from severe anxiety. This is a trained professional who can teach your child coping skills beyond what’s mentioned above and really pinpoint triggers and issues that may cause anxiety in your child.
• Communication: We are not pretending that the anxiety problem does not exist. Luke is very open about his situation and talks freely to anyone who will listen. Yes, it can be a private ordeal for some, but for our family, it’s working for us to talk openly and honestly about his feelings. He tells us how he’s feeling, and we ask him. Sometimes he answers, “I don’t know” when I ask him how he’s feeling or what is he thinking, or sometimes he will tell me exactly how he’s feeling. We just try very hard to continue to communicate with each other.
• Medication: Sometimes, medication is necessary. When Luke began saying things that caused us great concern, as parents, we knew he needed something more. With the help of caring professionals, we looked into medications to help lower his anxiety. Medication might not be necessary for everyone, but remember, the brain is an organ, and just like any other part of your body - your liver, your kidneys, your lungs - if something is not working properly, sometimes medication is needed to get that part working right again.

Anxiety can take control over the body and create a monster of it. By using some of these steps above, you can work to control the amount of anxiety your child has so you can all start living a normal life again. If you’re worried that your tween is suffering from more than the usual amount of anxiety, don’t wait around thinking it will disappear, because usually it will only get worse. Get help for your child before things get out of control.

About the Author:

Stephanie Elliot, in no particular order, is a wife, writer, blogger, book reviewer, editor and mother to three kids, two who have already been tweens, and one who is right smack in the middle of his tween-ness. Her oldest son is almost driving and her daughter survived her tween years so Stephanie must be doing something right. Find out more at http://stephanieelliot.com