Teaching Graciousness to our Tweens

(Image Credit: Wontonwords.Blogspot.com)

Teaching our kids to be grateful can sometimes be a tough lesson, especially when they are in the tween years and accustomed to having things their own way much of the time. We asked moms to share ways they help their tweens to be gracious in a world where it can seem like many people are not grateful around them.

Here are some of the unique responses we received:

“We sponsor a boy who is just a few years older than my 9-year-old-son, Gunnar, in Guatemala through WorldVision. It’s like a pen pal system where Gunnar gets to write and receive letters. We can also send small packages, and so we send little items like small Lego sets, pens, etc. The other day we got a letter back from Vicente thanking us for gum and Gunnar could really see how appreciative others are for something so small.”
~Erin Von Bergen
Son: Gunnar, Age 9
Bozeman, MT



“I keep Kaci grounded and grateful by having her understand what’s important. Doing your best in school, showing good behavior, and practice good morals. She is the only child and we are extremely close but she is very caring and sensitive to others. I buy her anything she wants, however she puts her best foot forward. I tell her I love her every day and keep her self-esteem high. She knows there are kids who are not so lucky to have a mother that works and can provide so be thankful every day for the blessings that you have.”
~Laina Avant
Daughter: Kaci, Age 8
Paterson, NJ

“

I have 2 sons, the youngest is 12 and has Asperger’s syndrome. When he was diagnosed at 8 years old, we researched and discovered that one of the pieces of ASD is lack of empathy. Because of this, and the fact that my company deals heavily with charitable organizations, my husband and I decided to take a more proactive approach to his growth in this area. 
We knew that our family credo of ‘when we give, we receive’ could not be altered simply because of a diagnoses. The first thing we did was to spend at least 15-20 minutes at bedtime keeping a gratitude journal. We would write everything from “what are we thankful for in nature, our family, our body, our home… to name 25 things I admire/respect/like about my teachers, my family, my classmates etc… Some days we talked about acts of kindness we witnessed or what we would do with a million dollars… Max and Alex are grateful every day for their blessings in life and I know they’ll keep that mentality because it’s something they chose, not something I forced on them.
”
~Tara Kennedy-Kline
Sons: Max 14; Alex 12
Shoemakersville, PA



“My daughter definitely has her moments of self-centeredness and we have learned how to point it out and laugh at it. We had a talk about “melty brain” after her first pre-teen hormonal meltdown. I explained that hormones can “melt” her brain and when we saw melty brain happening she’d have to sit on the porch until her brain re-formed. She’s never had to sit on the porch and we all can laugh when we point it out. My daughter is also a child who has always held care for others as a high priority in her life. She asks to do service projects and has dreamed up a website to support long-term hospital patients who are children. She herself has spent time in the hospital repairing a birth defect, and her brother, who is 11 and also a grateful soul, has also spent time in the hospital. She knows that kids need to be comforted and feel loved. She also knows that parents can’t always afford treatment and wants to help. Another note: To ensure a gratitude nature in our home we have a gratitude board hanging in our kitchen where we can write short thank you notes on the whiteboard for helping with the dishes or other daily opportunities to be grateful.”

~Dafna Michaelson
Mom to 12-year-old daughter; 11-year-old son



“I believe there are three ways you can mold and shape your child, which will make her respectful and grateful:
1. The importance of not letting go of your central role in your child’s
life too soon-
If your bond with your own daughter is weakened too early, the likely
reason, and risk, is that she will become more attached to her peers
(who are themselves not ready to negotiate the ‘real’ world yet) and take
her cues from them instead of from you. Healthy dependence on you will
create a true independence in your child.
2. Trusting your gut (your mother’s intuition)-
Advice from the experts can be useful, and lots of mothers have had less
than ideal role models themselves to learn from. But most mothers have
inside them, available at any moment, a knowledge of what is best for their
daughter. Even if it means swimming hard against the tide when she
is telling you “everyone else does it,” trusting your instincts is most
often a good bet.
3. Listening carefully to your daughter’s input- 
Invite your daughter’s input in every interaction and encourage
her to communicate with you. You may have the wisdom of years, but she
has the vision and insight of youth! This does not mean she is in charge
of all her decisions, but it means that you listen respectively and
make sure she feels heard.”
-
Sil Reynolds & Eliza Reynolds, mother/daughter authors of Mothering and Daughtering: Keeping Your Bond Strong Through the Teen Years, April 2013
Stoneridge, NY

We’d love to hear how you keep your tween grounded and grateful if you’d like to leave a comment below!

About the Author:

Stephanie Elliot, in no particular order, is a wife, writer, blogger, book reviewer, editor and mother to three kids, two who have already been tweens, and one who is right smack in the middle of his tween-ness. Her oldest son is almost driving and her daughter survived her tween years so Stephanie must be doing something right. Find out more at stephanieelliot.com.